Injury and Intimacy: Nasty - FML

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 513

You deserved it 5 890

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Same thing different taste

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Spicy

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 991

You deserved it 4 603

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 936

You deserved it 10 641

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 075

You deserved it 6 438

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 285

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 942

You deserved it 18 659

By anonymous - 02/11/2015 03:13 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 296

You deserved it 7 516

She's electric

By nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Spicy

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 475

You deserved it 5 310

Nosebleed

By bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I have ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 01:32 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 582

You deserved it 5 546

Congrats

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 22:44 - Canada - Rosetown

Spicy

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 810

You deserved it 8 559

Next

Top comments

AsainChick 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 15:56

You shoul probably get that checked out...

saIty 17

Tuesday 30 August 2011 15:58

That's when you know your pleaser is giving 120%.

Comments

capnbzarr 43

Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:23

Was she wearing a pimp ring?? Is she Edward Scissorhands?

potsie10 4

Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:26

EPIC FAIL!

geologist1 1

Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:29

No pain no gain.

longislandbumb 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:31

U need help

animalover721 3

Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:34

Ooooh wowsa

XxgreymoonxX 8

Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:43

I don't think your partner was doing it right....

JokeMeister 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:45

What'd they do it with, sandpaper?

lliki 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:49

First and last from that unlucky lady!

SneakherHead 5

Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:50

WTF why would you put this up on FML >.

puppydog 12

Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:00

I know it was probably just torn skin along the shaft.. but I'm totally picturing him cumming spurts of blood. There's a mental image that will never go away..

kcooper0323 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:32

Lol

JOURNEYTHEBEAST 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 6:11

I wasn't even thinking about it like that. I will never be able to un-picture that in my mind.

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The Top

Today, the guy I was seeing told me it wasn’t gonna work out and that he wished me the best. Apparently I acted “too desperate” for his liking. Gee, I’m sorry, but I guess showing basic decency like buying you a birthday present, buying you lunch everyday, and allowing you to use my Netflix, AKA being loving, is too much. FML

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You deserved it 492

Today, at my grandmother's funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 993

You deserved it 4 752

The Top

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 380

You deserved it 2 927

Today, it appears that I spent three years of my life studying for a degree to find myself driving around looking for potholes. That's literally my job. I didn't even study roading, my civil engineering degree is in designing structures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 263

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 841

You deserved it 40 520

Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the window repair guy was supposed to come today and do some work on our third floor apartment windows. I still don't know how much he saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 665

You deserved it 15 190

Today, my car got towed. My money is in my car and they won't let me open my car to get money until my car is "released". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 230

You deserved it 5 232

Today, while preparing for our holiday, I realised I will have my period that week. My husband is now sulking because he thinks I’ll be so grumpy, I’ll ruin the holiday. I’ve had to talk him out of cancelling our flight twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 318