Kids: Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of... - FML

By Tabby - 06/08/2011 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 593

You deserved it 3 856

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Same thing different taste

By Mina - 08/05/2019 14:00

Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophic report card. When I asked him for explanations, he replied, "I'm hesitating between family environment and heredity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 326

By Anonymous - 25/05/2012 01:37 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 712

You deserved it 4 232

The genetics expert has logged on

By Fucking moron - 27/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, I met my "grandson". Even though my son and his wife are both lily white, the child was clearly half-black. I pulled my son aside to have a word, but he said, "Her grandmother was black and she has recessive genes, it's really rare." I can't believe I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 377

By Sadmom - 14/09/2016 02:15 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 952

You deserved it 1 426

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 14:34 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 675

You deserved it 7 554

By dumbteacher - 22/11/2010 14:47

Today, my English teacher told me that I failed my grammar test. Her exact words were "You ain't gonna pass this class if you ain't gonna study." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 671

You deserved it 7 558

By fucked by sex ed - 29/03/2013 17:18 - United States - Manchester

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 855

You deserved it 16 988

Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do?

By Joel Lee Burgess - 15/02/2021 22:59 - United States

Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 354

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out

By Mom - 17/07/2023 15:00

Today, I told my 21 year-old son he either has to break up with his girlfriend, who fills his head with lies about me, or I'd stop speaking to him. He laughed and said he'd fine with us not speaking ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 1 400

By Raiders4ever - 21/10/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 370

You deserved it 24 976

Next

Top comments

panda1o 0

Sunday 7 August 2011 1:46

hes gonna go far.

Mipz 2

Sunday 7 August 2011 2:17

You've proven yourself dumber than him.

Comments

RyanMcManus 0

Sunday 7 August 2011 6:03

U can't fix stupid

sandyandellie 5

Sunday 7 August 2011 6:11

I'm not a grammar Nazi.... but really would It have killed you to make the tiniest bit of sense?

kaylapple 1

Sunday 7 August 2011 6:21

well dont you have a smart one on your hands!

a_nutritionist 10

Sunday 7 August 2011 6:28

she must take the "men think with the wrong head" a little too literally.

heartgrenade1 5

Sunday 7 August 2011 6:52

True, but stupidity is passed down genetically. Something to think about.

chelseaaababyyy 17

Sunday 7 August 2011 6:59

this display of stupidity just made my night (:

zekeishNOTafail 1

Sunday 7 August 2011 7:14

5-&53 I have no clue what you people have said.....

slymac 2

Sunday 7 August 2011 7:17

It's actually not that stupid a question: "An innate ability for language acquisition is the claim that humans are genetically pre-programmed to learn language" (I'm a student of linguistics). At least he is willing to ask and learn.

TheNewGuy03 28

Sunday 7 August 2011 13:25

The key word in your sentence is "learn." Just think of the human mind (or any mind, for that matter) as a blank canvas. As time passes, the canvas is placed on an easel, and the brush strokes of experience do the rest for you. Every canvas is different fundamentally, and the etchings experience makes on one's life vary by person, thereby yielding different outcomes.

Goodatbeingbad 9

Sunday 7 August 2011 7:29

Obviously 5 and 53 are related.

scaryasfuck666 0

Sunday 7 August 2011 7:33

You mean Obama, right?

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The Top

Today, I found out that the drop dead gorgeous fun bubbly woman I hit it off with is actually a disgusting, scheming whore who seduces married men, then blackmails them for money. I can’t afford to pay her, nor can I afford my wife to find out. I’m screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 1 698

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 778

You deserved it 9 447

The Top

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 984

You deserved it 5 031

Today, I picked up a lady's dropped wallet and chased after her despite my sprained ankle. When I finally caught up with her, she smashed her chili sauce filled hotdog across my face and kicked me in the groin, accusing me of stealing her wallet. I was kept at the police station for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 519

You deserved it 3 019

Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for throwing away her food, calling me a sick, controlling psycho. When I pointed out that the seafood pasta I tossed was a week old and almost certainly rotten, she dug the box out of the trash and ate it to prove a point. Now she's got food poisoning and somehow it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 88

Today, I had to call AAA because not only did I lock my keys in the car, I also locked in my toddlers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 276

You deserved it 47 588

Today, my idiot daughter has allowed mold to grow in her shower. Her excuse? She thought it was just some “stains” that wouldn’t come out. Yeah, I don’t believe that. I think she knew it was mold and just didn’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 280

Today, when I got back from running errands, I had to explain to my 50 year-old mother-in-law the dangers of suffocation. She let my 5 year-old daughter play with the plastic packaging from water bottles, and it was OK because, "it was only on her head for 2-3 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 99