Intimacy: Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black...

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 700

You deserved it 4 830

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By a268 - 02/02/2009 09:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 307

You deserved it 3 323

Hidden secret

By anonymous - 01/10/2016 09:00 - Australia - Tennyson

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 268

You deserved it 2 123

By sirswank - 10/08/2017 13:00

Today, after giving my kids a lengthy bedtime lecture about the merits of being responsible, I thought about all the chores I had left to do, promptly ate ice cream in the shower, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 016

You deserved it 1 789

By Tonya - 28/06/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 222

You deserved it 7 759

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 913

You deserved it 7 672

By Anonymous - 30/04/2013 18:24 - United States - Pompton Plains

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 946

You deserved it 8 433

By sissica - 11/02/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 183

You deserved it 6 623

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said, "Right now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 758

You deserved it 5 058

Turn it off

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 06:00

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 166

The art of seduction

By Anonymous - 26/10/2020 19:58

Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt. It was then that he decided to comment. On the t shirt I was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 213

bcoolplz 1

Monday 24 January 2011 22:31

i love ice cream too

Doortje 29

Monday 24 January 2011 22:40

Just say you have something else for him to eat.

Comments

bcoolplz 1

Monday 24 January 2011 22:31

i love ice cream too

UnanomousGurl 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 2:34

Lol those are the 2 best things! now how about u both mix icecream with your creams xD enjoy!

USAF_girl 3

Tuesday 25 January 2011 2:52

maybe you're just not hot! mmmmm ice cream......

razeleet 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 4:12

I'd pick ice cream over sex, who wouldn't? Who is with me?

breena25 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 4:34

agreed with 55 :)

Sydknee 8

Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:28

Damn you lucky adults!

lmBrown 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 6:13

cuz 55 never had sex in his life he don't know how good it feels

ehaile4 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 15:33

55 agree Dude low calories tho haha

TheOptimist 0

Wednesday 26 January 2011 9:11

74 - I pity stupid people like you.

Blackmail111 9

Monday 24 January 2011 22:33

it is eating sweets in bed rocks

truehitman2010 0

Monday 24 January 2011 22:33

it is the best part

xxBrokenHeartxx 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 7:20

NOOOOOOO

TheOptimist 0

Wednesday 26 January 2011 9:14

Ice cream cake is better. Especially the Dairy Queen kind.

Garytt 0

Monday 24 January 2011 22:33

Smear the ice cream all over your body

OtherHighlander 0

Monday 24 January 2011 23:50

I second that motion.

SulfurPlague 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 14:26

win avatar.

cupcakemann95 7

Monday 16 July 2012 1:57

Then you don't let him leave the room until he eats it all

Quasar55_fml 18

Monday 24 January 2011 22:34

Haha he's definitely right ! When I grow older, I want to eat ice cream in bed mom !

YoungMoney1492 0

Monday 24 January 2011 22:36

maybe he was thinkin ice cream + you = a good very good time!!!!!!!! duh

nathan5 0

Monday 24 January 2011 22:37

Mans got a point, ice cream and sex-can you beat it?

rgermain 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 0:26

It'll be a little awkward, but he could.

Proud_vegetarian 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 6:35

Maybe cake, ice cream and sex?

ZeeBest86 6

Tuesday 25 January 2011 7:22

32-lmao!!!! good one

BlehMcBleh 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 10:49

Cake, Ice cream, Sex, and a midget. Who doesn't love midgets?

creamcheese724 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 11:37

midgets are the best

TheOptimist 0

Wednesday 26 January 2011 9:19

Sports. Or video games. If he's watching/doing either, he wins.

Doortje 29

Monday 24 January 2011 22:40

Just say you have something else for him to eat.

nathan5 0

Monday 24 January 2011 22:48

She has pizza too?!?!

Shutuptroll 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 6:58

You don't need a dirty mind to get it. You're just ******* retarded.

JManHobbs 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 10:33

#80 +1

saleha97 4

Monday 24 January 2011 22:43

lmfao, he's right :)

Becket_nitefire 0

Monday 24 January 2011 22:53

op should have lick lick licked him like a lollypop.

TheOmen46 1

Tuesday 25 January 2011 4:43

he makes her wanna lick him like a wrapper :)

Keywords

Management Work Jealousy Love Relatable Mental health Relationship advice Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Health Healthy Lifestyle Ironic Food Money Birthday Family Gifts Mother in law Parents Public freakouts Education Exams Students Pranks Weird Argument AITA Insects Fear

The Top

Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 220

Today, my wife has moved into the guest room and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I asked for a paternity test for our kids. She swears she’s never cheated, so what’s she so offended for? Women make no sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 1 505

The Top

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 737

You deserved it 8 349

Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 504

You deserved it 3 400

Today, my husband told me that, "a girl's orgasm serves no purpose". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 681

You deserved it 1 529

Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 002

You deserved it 16 602

Today, I ended up being wasting an entire week on a very important scholarship essay because I thought the requirements said “3500 words” when in reality, they said “3500 characters”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 906

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 155

You deserved it 7 051

Same thing different taste

Hidden secret

Turn it off

The art of seduction

Top comments

Comments