Wanker and Intimacy: Troubling

Troubling

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 475

You deserved it 23 274

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

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Same thing different taste

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 465

You deserved it 106 794

Hey there little buddy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 01:00 - Finland

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 234

By scarred4life - 27/04/2011 14:05 - Canada

Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 826

You deserved it 19 089

By HighasaCloud - 10/12/2016 02:38

Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 632

You deserved it 766

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 595

You deserved it 9 159

By DisgustinglyFrustrated - 10/10/2013 15:40 - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 244

You deserved it 18 019

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 142

You deserved it 4 017

By Arachnaphobic - 22/11/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 263

You deserved it 4 782

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 228

You deserved it 41 616

Bored

By Anonymous - 05/12/2022 14:00

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend felt the need to ask me if I could get my ladder and clean the ceiling, because it looked dusty with a spiderweb in the corner. I didn’t realise I was so boring in bed that she had the time to examine the ceiling and plan my chore list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 496

MoMonster 0

Wednesday 15 December 2010 9:03

spiders are quite sexy. eight legs for MAXIMUM pleasure. xD

schwiggidy 0

Wednesday 15 December 2010 9:09

you were masturbating UNDER a spider

Comments

fearfulsymmetry 1

Wednesday 15 December 2010 21:49

YDI for saying that you were "pleasuring yourself." I hate that term, it makes me cringe every time I hear someone saying it.

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 15 December 2010 22:42

Then prepare to cringe, foul villain! Pleasure yourself! Pleasure yourself! PLEASURE YOURSELF! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

fearfulsymmetry 1

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:40

I loathe you..

Whoadee 0

Saturday 15 January 2011 9:09

....pleasuring ourselves?

RachieP 0

Wednesday 15 December 2010 23:44

Holy cow! This one made me LOL in the doctor's office!

anaiikatoumenos 0

Wednesday 15 December 2010 23:46

I thought the spider was on the ceiling? how did it come to be under you? :o

moneymanjones 0

Thursday 16 December 2010 1:47

hey, if you ever need help with that give me a call who touches themselves nowa days

Mars_Bars_Big_Na 0

Thursday 16 December 2010 2:27

GOOD LORD look at 1#'s lips!

ITrollYourFail 0

Thursday 16 December 2010 4:22

Your boyfriend must be jealous of that spider... I would be, too, if I figured out that an arachnid could make my girlfriend scream louder than I could.