Love: To boldly go where no man has gone before

To boldly go where no man has gone before

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Boston

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 093

You deserved it 6 016

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 03:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 784

You deserved it 71 816

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 450

You deserved it 11 495

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 05:14 - Canada - Clairmont

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 899

You deserved it 10 260

Beam me up!

By saynotochrispine - 28/07/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that we could try living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 301

You deserved it 7 947

By disney_dick - 08/01/2018 00:00 - United States - Mims

Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 962

You deserved it 2 030

Gift of the gab

By Nicole - 13/12/2014 15:20 - United States

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 341

You deserved it 7 276

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 942

You deserved it 5 071

Oh yeah?

By alexis89 - 26/05/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 459

You deserved it 20 178

WAURGH

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had sex. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 917

You deserved it 4 265

Acting is hard work

By S. Dub - 10/04/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 924

You deserved it 301

isabelf 17

Thursday 28 August 2014 19:29

your boyfriend sounds like he has some very odd fetishes...

nhormuss 17

Thursday 28 August 2014 19:29

He's a keeper

Comments

sbarua219 17

Thursday 28 August 2014 20:55

What's klingon

musicforhearts 15

Thursday 28 August 2014 21:04

What even is Klingon?

ohSNAPyall 26

Friday 29 August 2014 5:34

What even is Google?

BigDan925 9

Thursday 28 August 2014 21:10

time to move on

qwertyu_ioplk 9

Thursday 28 August 2014 21:47

you better stop wasting your time on here and start learning then

amisenho 11

Thursday 28 August 2014 22:40

Unless you boasted to him that you could speak fluent Klingon when you two first met, FYL.

Axel5238 29

Thursday 28 August 2014 23:04

Klingon isn't exactly a romantic language and the fact he got that pissed off is probably a red flag. Someone that gets upset that easily is not ready for a relationship.